Pussies and Wussies

Yesterday on the Joe.My.God. blog, Joe had a post on the recent controversy with the ban of partly transitioned Female to Male (FTM) transsexuals from participating in the Chicago Hellfire Club, which was covered by Heather Cassell in the May 24th Bay Area Reporter.

I'll say right up front that the only ban I would support in any club or organization is an Asshole Ban. I would much rather hang out at a Leather Play Party or Leather Run or event with someone that was competent and respectful of Leather and BDSM traditions than with the quite a few IML contestants, who, though quite fetching in their brand new leathers, have about as much interest in Leather traditions, and BDSM sex, as cats are interested in where their cat food and cat toys come from. I don't know why the Hellfire Club Leadership is so freaked out about Men with Cunts, it's not as if the Inferno hasn't been attended by cunts before, because I've certainly met a few of them. Ba-dum-dum-ping! [rimshot and cymbal - Hello Ladies and Germs - is this thing on?]

Gentlemen and Ladies, I have met Vaginas, and to paraphrase some wonderful old school African-American preacher man or another - "God don't make no wrongful sexual orifices." A vagina as sexual orifice is quite nice. Cozy. Almost if it had been designed to be a pleasure to be in, imagine that! Women aren't My preferred sexual partners, but it wasn't because they had vaginas, in fact if you could find Me a hot kinky sub that had a vagina to go with his (flesh and blood) dick and ass I'd sure like to take him out for a spin.

Wonderful women, along with children, horses, dogs, convertibles, swimming pools, RVs, vacation homes, and moving dollies - I love all of these, but I don't want one Myself, instead I want My friends to have them and to take care of them, and to invite Me on an infrequent basis to enjoy their company, sort of like a roué uncle that jets in for a few hours for a visit, distributes presents, holds a baby until it poops, hands it back to the father, and then calls a cab and jets back off to Monte Carlo or Tahiti.

It's really annoying to Me to see gay men, and especially Leathermen express misogyny and trannypanic. If Old Guard Leathermen were sexual outlaws, and fought and fucked their way to freedom, and had the strength to define themselves by their own standards, then why can't some gay men and Leathermen encourage and support other people to do the same thing?

The argument behind the Hellfire Club ban on FTMs is that the play space is male only, and that any sort of feminine influence or energy will spoil the whole scene. Faggot please. In the first place there are plenty of nasty and proficient Leather Tops I've met who are masculine in many important ways, and feminine in others. Like when they open their mouth and a purse falls out. Secondly all sorts of dumb stuff can spoil the whole scene that has nothing to do with masculine energy, like for instance - a bottom who isn't cleaned out properly, or somebody having an epileptic seizure, or someone who's fucked up on crystal, or someone who's wearing a thong when it's clearly an abomination. Thirdly if your masculinity is so fragile that you blanch and lose your lunch at the sight of female genitalia, then "Gurl, you ain't that butch as all that anyway." And Fourthly, if you as a Leatherman think that being a good Top or Master doesn't sometimes draw on traditionally feminine qualities and feminine sex energy then You Sir, are an Ignoramus, and You're probably a lousy lay.

Oh, but I hear some of you say "But it's not fair! Womyn and Wimmin music festivals have banned men and Male to Female trannies and Leatherdykes who flag or represent for years! Shouldn't we have something for us, just for us too?" Oh Really. You're sticking up for Segregation. Oh yeah, that works. Not. And two wrongs don't make a right either. And frankly totally feminine music without a little male energy is about as interesting as a sack of hair.

But you say "Cultures lose their strength when they assimilate and homogenize! And if a lady looks at my pee pee it won't stay hard!". You've got a point about assimilation, because tribes do lose their cohesion when they're not isolated, and some sorts of beauty are lost, you're right. But conversely, a hell of a lot of ugliness is made obsolete and discarded as well. The Catholic Church is a good example of that, it's an institution that is replete with beautiful art and architecture and literature. And as progressive Catholics over the centuries have resisted the Vatican, they've caused cracks and schisms over the years, and so the Catholic Tribe has consistently lost power and influence.

So you say "Yeah, but we're already besieged as Leathermen as it is - we've got to protect every shred of Old Guard Tradition that we can." Oh Really. Old Guard had it's glorious moments, but it wasn't exactly a Perfect Utopia. I respected My Mentors and listened closely to their lessons, but about half of them were functional alcoholics, and I wonder sometimes if AIDS hadn't claimed so many so early, that maybe drinking or smoking or drugs or heart attacks would have taken them a few years later. It was a culture of excess after all.

Not that I was so crazy about the pansexual New Guard either - all those fucking demonstrations and sash contests - sheesh, and all those new terms and honorific titles that were such a pain to remember - Lord Whatever - Goddess Whosis - boi wheredidthatcomefrom.

Anyone that knows Me knows how important Leather culture and BDSM history is to me. I started Leather Flash Mob here in Houston, which has been followed by Leather Invasion in New York and Men in Gear in San Francisco, just because I wanted to see Leather people out and visible and having a good time. I don't want the Leather Scene to die, or to just be confined to Vacation Weekend Events, or to peter out with one on one Internet generated encounters. I want Leatherpeople to live out loud every weekend in every town, and a few weeknights as well.

Mistress Tiffany came up with the Next Guard Leather BDSM meme. She asked Me to join her to write and figure out what the Next Guard could be. It's going to be something, because for anything to survive in this world, it's got to evolve, and that goes for Leather and BDSM as well. I know for damn sure that it will have a sense of humor, which was sorely lacking in both the Old Guard and New Guard ethos.

In the year 2525, if Man is still alive....will people even wear leather per se? maybe using animals will be taboo by that time. But I know for certain, that even if Leatherpeople of the Future aren't wearing literal animal skins, they'll have plenty of ways to play with bondage and discipline and sadomasochism and fetishism, because human beings have always done that and always will.

Lolcat image by Phapster

Easier Said Than Done

Anonymous posed an excellent question to Me:

"Do you feel that by not "coming out" as a Leatherman/woman is a sign of weakness?"

Obviously a person's standing is weaker if they have to hide or suppress parts of their life. Early Christians were weaker in the reign of Nero, and had to worship in catacombs. Africans forced into slavery were weaker when they had to disguise their own religions and culture as merely quaint customs. Native Americans, when forced onto reservations in the 19th century, were weaker when they had to use their arts to hold on to their language and religion. In the other day's New York Times, there was an article about contemporary Wiccans that have to keep their beliefs secret in a Bible-thumper neighborhood.

There's a long history of hidden communities in the world. Being open would have meant ostracism and death for them. But they devised ways to communicate and connect with each other. They were patient and valiant in their resistance to assimilation.

If you would jeopardize your job, or career, or your livelihood, or a child's security by being Out in Leather, then I sympathize with you, because many years ago, I got canned from a job for being gay and out, and it really sucked. It was hard. But I learned who My friends were, and I learned who among My family stood by me. Being Out got easier and easier. I also changed careers, and I was fortunate in My choice, that I can dress and act the way I choose.

I certainly understand a need to be circumspect and private about BDSM in public. At the grocery store, I like seeing people in boots and flagging a hanky, but I don't want to see someone in assless chaps at the checkout. But leather itself isn't as transgressive as it once was. I live down the street from a Harley Davidson dealership, and every weekend I see every shape, and size, and gender, and age of biker roaring up and down my street wearing leather. I remember seeing Pat Boone on an awards show wearing leather pants and a vest and a collar even and that was 10 years ago!

As far as BDSM, I've known people who enjoy the "kinkiness" of secrets, and we all have darkness in our characters, and things we feel we should conceal. I do think people play safer and healthier when they're open, and I've seen how living openly as a Leather/BDSM person enriches more facets of life than just sexuality.

What can you afford to lose if you embrace and display elements of your deeper nature? Can you afford to lose people that don't respect you? Can you afford to lose family members that would abandon you? Can you afford to lose a career that destroys your spirit? Can you afford to live a less materialistic life to focus more on the intangible?

In "No Peaceful Warriors!", Ambrose Hollingworth Redmoon wrote:

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than one's fear. The timid presume it is lack of fear that allows the brave to act when the timid do not. But to take action when one is not afraid is easy. To refrain when afraid is also easy. To take action regardless of fear is brave."

We Are Family - sort of...

I know that so many of My fellow gay men think that Leather is just a provocative and decorative and non-essential feature for a small segment of gay identity, the same way that they're dismissive of our other "fringes" like elder gays, or faery gays, or opera queens, or drag queens. The logo above is from a group at the University of California at San Diego, and the letters stand for "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer, Intersex, and Allies." (Originally I wondered if the "A" stood for "Asexuals".)

Often I see this sort of dismissive attitude towards fringe communities represented in the so-called "mainstream" gay media, which hypocritically uses titillating images of Leather People to attract viewers and readers, while not serving the BDSM community with a proportionate amount of content. There's also a fair amount of misogyny and even outright derision of lesbians, bisexual, and transgender people among gay men. So even in the parallel "Family" that I've joined with My own gay friends, there is a societal norm that doesn't necessarily value BDSM players, their variety, and their particular culture. Even around a gay Thanksgiving dinner table, there is conservatism and liberalism, white and black sheep - there's still plenty to hot-headedly argue about.

Our value to our birth family, our invented family, and our BDSM Family is that We stay honest to Ourselves, and that We stay honorable and compassionate towards others. We honestly make Our own choices, and we either honor, or have compassion for the choices that other people have made. Committments to honesty and honor come out of the military heritage of the Old Guard's founders, who lived their convictions openly and proudly. Honor and compassion for another person's difference was a hallmark of the New Guard, whose members were highly concerned not only with physical safety, but also the need to have a safe and supportive mental environment.

What I'd like to see the Next Guard espouse besides the qualities of honesty, honor, and compassion, is the Valiant. Being valiant or brave in the sense that Italians use the words "Bravo" and "Brava", meaning not only that a person is fearless, but that he's resolute, and determined, even audacious, even a bit showy. When we yell "Brava" after an opera singer sings an aria, we show her that we're enthralled [from the word thrall meaning a slave or servant] - we're slaves to her talents. A valiant opera singer like Maria Callas perservered and overcame her insecurities, and even if she didn't conquer absolutely every fan or critic, in recordings, she still holds our utmost attention.

Being the Valiant one of our families, the one who's got the nerve to try new things, and who has the cojones to stand up for someone who's weaker, who is gallant in defeat, who dares to live fully and out loud - those should be Our values, that's what we should give back to Our families, and perhaps We can inspire Our siblings and friends to become more dauntless and self-reliant by Our example. And what I'd particularly hope to see, is that the gear and the symbols that Leather and BDSM people use for themselves become associated with an Ideal Person, someone who possesses a valiant, honest, honorable, and compassionate character.