Pussies and Wussies

Yesterday on the Joe.My.God. blog, Joe had a post on the recent controversy with the ban of partly transitioned Female to Male (FTM) transsexuals from participating in the Chicago Hellfire Club, which was covered by Heather Cassell in the May 24th Bay Area Reporter.

I'll say right up front that the only ban I would support in any club or organization is an Asshole Ban. I would much rather hang out at a Leather Play Party or Leather Run or event with someone that was competent and respectful of Leather and BDSM traditions than with the quite a few IML contestants, who, though quite fetching in their brand new leathers, have about as much interest in Leather traditions, and BDSM sex, as cats are interested in where their cat food and cat toys come from. I don't know why the Hellfire Club Leadership is so freaked out about Men with Cunts, it's not as if the Inferno hasn't been attended by cunts before, because I've certainly met a few of them. Ba-dum-dum-ping! [rimshot and cymbal - Hello Ladies and Germs - is this thing on?]

Gentlemen and Ladies, I have met Vaginas, and to paraphrase some wonderful old school African-American preacher man or another - "God don't make no wrongful sexual orifices." A vagina as sexual orifice is quite nice. Cozy. Almost if it had been designed to be a pleasure to be in, imagine that! Women aren't My preferred sexual partners, but it wasn't because they had vaginas, in fact if you could find Me a hot kinky sub that had a vagina to go with his (flesh and blood) dick and ass I'd sure like to take him out for a spin.

Wonderful women, along with children, horses, dogs, convertibles, swimming pools, RVs, vacation homes, and moving dollies - I love all of these, but I don't want one Myself, instead I want My friends to have them and to take care of them, and to invite Me on an infrequent basis to enjoy their company, sort of like a roué uncle that jets in for a few hours for a visit, distributes presents, holds a baby until it poops, hands it back to the father, and then calls a cab and jets back off to Monte Carlo or Tahiti.

It's really annoying to Me to see gay men, and especially Leathermen express misogyny and trannypanic. If Old Guard Leathermen were sexual outlaws, and fought and fucked their way to freedom, and had the strength to define themselves by their own standards, then why can't some gay men and Leathermen encourage and support other people to do the same thing?

The argument behind the Hellfire Club ban on FTMs is that the play space is male only, and that any sort of feminine influence or energy will spoil the whole scene. Faggot please. In the first place there are plenty of nasty and proficient Leather Tops I've met who are masculine in many important ways, and feminine in others. Like when they open their mouth and a purse falls out. Secondly all sorts of dumb stuff can spoil the whole scene that has nothing to do with masculine energy, like for instance - a bottom who isn't cleaned out properly, or somebody having an epileptic seizure, or someone who's fucked up on crystal, or someone who's wearing a thong when it's clearly an abomination. Thirdly if your masculinity is so fragile that you blanch and lose your lunch at the sight of female genitalia, then "Gurl, you ain't that butch as all that anyway." And Fourthly, if you as a Leatherman think that being a good Top or Master doesn't sometimes draw on traditionally feminine qualities and feminine sex energy then You Sir, are an Ignoramus, and You're probably a lousy lay.

Oh, but I hear some of you say "But it's not fair! Womyn and Wimmin music festivals have banned men and Male to Female trannies and Leatherdykes who flag or represent for years! Shouldn't we have something for us, just for us too?" Oh Really. You're sticking up for Segregation. Oh yeah, that works. Not. And two wrongs don't make a right either. And frankly totally feminine music without a little male energy is about as interesting as a sack of hair.

But you say "Cultures lose their strength when they assimilate and homogenize! And if a lady looks at my pee pee it won't stay hard!". You've got a point about assimilation, because tribes do lose their cohesion when they're not isolated, and some sorts of beauty are lost, you're right. But conversely, a hell of a lot of ugliness is made obsolete and discarded as well. The Catholic Church is a good example of that, it's an institution that is replete with beautiful art and architecture and literature. And as progressive Catholics over the centuries have resisted the Vatican, they've caused cracks and schisms over the years, and so the Catholic Tribe has consistently lost power and influence.

So you say "Yeah, but we're already besieged as Leathermen as it is - we've got to protect every shred of Old Guard Tradition that we can." Oh Really. Old Guard had it's glorious moments, but it wasn't exactly a Perfect Utopia. I respected My Mentors and listened closely to their lessons, but about half of them were functional alcoholics, and I wonder sometimes if AIDS hadn't claimed so many so early, that maybe drinking or smoking or drugs or heart attacks would have taken them a few years later. It was a culture of excess after all.

Not that I was so crazy about the pansexual New Guard either - all those fucking demonstrations and sash contests - sheesh, and all those new terms and honorific titles that were such a pain to remember - Lord Whatever - Goddess Whosis - boi wheredidthatcomefrom.

Anyone that knows Me knows how important Leather culture and BDSM history is to me. I started Leather Flash Mob here in Houston, which has been followed by Leather Invasion in New York and Men in Gear in San Francisco, just because I wanted to see Leather people out and visible and having a good time. I don't want the Leather Scene to die, or to just be confined to Vacation Weekend Events, or to peter out with one on one Internet generated encounters. I want Leatherpeople to live out loud every weekend in every town, and a few weeknights as well.

Mistress Tiffany came up with the Next Guard Leather BDSM meme. She asked Me to join her to write and figure out what the Next Guard could be. It's going to be something, because for anything to survive in this world, it's got to evolve, and that goes for Leather and BDSM as well. I know for damn sure that it will have a sense of humor, which was sorely lacking in both the Old Guard and New Guard ethos.

In the year 2525, if Man is still alive....will people even wear leather per se? maybe using animals will be taboo by that time. But I know for certain, that even if Leatherpeople of the Future aren't wearing literal animal skins, they'll have plenty of ways to play with bondage and discipline and sadomasochism and fetishism, because human beings have always done that and always will.

Lolcat image by Phapster

The Wild and the Tame

Mistress Tiffany wrote a comprehensive article on "Protocol positions", and to Her post: "A protocol analogy" someone asked if Her protocols were Leather or BDSM protocols.

What's so Next Guard about Mistress Tiffany's article about protocol positions is the synthesis between the ancient BDSM, the historically recent Old Guard, and the remotely ancient and contemporarily fashionable Yoga. Yoga, especially it's emphasis on breathing and on the experience of the present moment, is an excellent discipline for all Next Guard Leather and BDSM people, and especially those who identify as submissives.

Let's look though in more depth about the historical bases of protocol positions.

Big "L" Leather is different than little "L" leather. Big "L" Leather is a culture: a set of rituals and customs and attitude. Little "L" leather is a fetsh for the actual leather object: whip, shoes, boots, hat. Whereas leather has been a fetish for human beings since we lived in caves, Leather originates from the nascent gay American culture in the years after World War II. BDSM though is something that we can trace throughout human history. We can find postures and attitudes and language that reflect BDSM eroticism in sculpture, and pottery, and painting, and literature that goes back thousands of years. And in every culture that makes artifacts - Egyptian, Chinese, Mayan, Persian, Celtic, Greek, Roman... Historians often hesitate or refuse to attribute a sexual, consensual BDSM framework to ancient art, but artists make art, not historians. The natural tension and dramatic oppostion inherent in BDSM Powerplay often make it an irresistible subject for artists, even if historians choose to look the downplay, ignore, or obfuscate it.

All the way back to the Story of Gilgamesh, erotic and epic poetry celebrates the heros and heroines that struggle for love, who suffer, aquiesce, surmount, and triumph, in love if not in life. Sometimes the language about Powerplay is direct, and compares lovers to masters, mistresses, and slaves. Sometimes the imagery is indirect, but it speaks to our deepest erotic sense, and we know there was sexual dimension to the power differential between lovers, or between celebrants in a ritual, as in the famous frescos in the Pompeiian Villa of the Mysteries. [the artist David Dashiell, 1952-1993, referenced these frescos in his monumental Queer Mysteries.]

In those frescoes, we can see different people whose postures reveal their status in the ritual. There are some submissive postures that would fit right along side those that Mistress Tiffany described. These dominant and submissive postures are ancient, and not even necessarily exclusively human. The language of the body expresses power states for all vertebrate animals. Indeed many yoga positions take the name of animals - besides Downward Facing Dog, there are countless others; Crow Pose, Eagle Pose, Monkey Pose, Cobra Pose...

But Leather Culture is fairly recent. When Old Guard traditions began, in the years after World War II, the memory of military protocol was still fresh, and there was a continuace of military bearing and carriage in Leather Play. Tops often acted like Drill Instructors and bottoms acted like fresh recruits. Whereas I think dominant and submissive postures are not only eternal with human beings, but with most animals, the then recent memories of Standing at Attention, Parade Rest, Avoidance of Eye Contact, along with all the typical Boot Camp humiliations (push ups, holding a rifle above the head, using a toothbrush to clean a toilet or floor, etc) all became Play rituals for the early Leathermen.

Conversely though, for many Old Guard members of the early motorcycle centered clubs, and also for the men dishonorably discharged out of the military, and further, those men that scorned the military and the blind acceptance of authority, there was a whole new outlook and set of postures and language. These men, and also women and transpeople, were performing a set of postures, and using language that wasn't merely negligent or lazy, instead it was intended to be socially and politically provocative. They were surly, smart-ass, wise cracking, slouching, shuffling, sexy. It's the way detectives and heros in Film Noir movies act, or the way Marlon Brando and his gang acted in "The Wild Ones". It was a rebellion of the individual against societal norms. Sticking it to the squares. Flipping off the Man.

-"What are you rebelling against?"

- "Whaddya got?"

I enjoy seeing men perform both sets of Old Guard Postures. Respect is a turn on, and sometimes insolence that I can dominate and reform is a turn on as well. I've found that gradually formalizing My own posture often results in a subsequent formalization of a sub's posture, even without recourse to words or a physical response. Then with subtle actions, like the ministrations of a dressage horseman, I can refine the posture to My liking.

Easier Said Than Done

Anonymous posed an excellent question to Me:

"Do you feel that by not "coming out" as a Leatherman/woman is a sign of weakness?"

Obviously a person's standing is weaker if they have to hide or suppress parts of their life. Early Christians were weaker in the reign of Nero, and had to worship in catacombs. Africans forced into slavery were weaker when they had to disguise their own religions and culture as merely quaint customs. Native Americans, when forced onto reservations in the 19th century, were weaker when they had to use their arts to hold on to their language and religion. In the other day's New York Times, there was an article about contemporary Wiccans that have to keep their beliefs secret in a Bible-thumper neighborhood.

There's a long history of hidden communities in the world. Being open would have meant ostracism and death for them. But they devised ways to communicate and connect with each other. They were patient and valiant in their resistance to assimilation.

If you would jeopardize your job, or career, or your livelihood, or a child's security by being Out in Leather, then I sympathize with you, because many years ago, I got canned from a job for being gay and out, and it really sucked. It was hard. But I learned who My friends were, and I learned who among My family stood by me. Being Out got easier and easier. I also changed careers, and I was fortunate in My choice, that I can dress and act the way I choose.

I certainly understand a need to be circumspect and private about BDSM in public. At the grocery store, I like seeing people in boots and flagging a hanky, but I don't want to see someone in assless chaps at the checkout. But leather itself isn't as transgressive as it once was. I live down the street from a Harley Davidson dealership, and every weekend I see every shape, and size, and gender, and age of biker roaring up and down my street wearing leather. I remember seeing Pat Boone on an awards show wearing leather pants and a vest and a collar even and that was 10 years ago!

As far as BDSM, I've known people who enjoy the "kinkiness" of secrets, and we all have darkness in our characters, and things we feel we should conceal. I do think people play safer and healthier when they're open, and I've seen how living openly as a Leather/BDSM person enriches more facets of life than just sexuality.

What can you afford to lose if you embrace and display elements of your deeper nature? Can you afford to lose people that don't respect you? Can you afford to lose family members that would abandon you? Can you afford to lose a career that destroys your spirit? Can you afford to live a less materialistic life to focus more on the intangible?

In "No Peaceful Warriors!", Ambrose Hollingworth Redmoon wrote:

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than one's fear. The timid presume it is lack of fear that allows the brave to act when the timid do not. But to take action when one is not afraid is easy. To refrain when afraid is also easy. To take action regardless of fear is brave."

We Are Family - sort of...

I know that so many of My fellow gay men think that Leather is just a provocative and decorative and non-essential feature for a small segment of gay identity, the same way that they're dismissive of our other "fringes" like elder gays, or faery gays, or opera queens, or drag queens. The logo above is from a group at the University of California at San Diego, and the letters stand for "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer, Intersex, and Allies." (Originally I wondered if the "A" stood for "Asexuals".)

Often I see this sort of dismissive attitude towards fringe communities represented in the so-called "mainstream" gay media, which hypocritically uses titillating images of Leather People to attract viewers and readers, while not serving the BDSM community with a proportionate amount of content. There's also a fair amount of misogyny and even outright derision of lesbians, bisexual, and transgender people among gay men. So even in the parallel "Family" that I've joined with My own gay friends, there is a societal norm that doesn't necessarily value BDSM players, their variety, and their particular culture. Even around a gay Thanksgiving dinner table, there is conservatism and liberalism, white and black sheep - there's still plenty to hot-headedly argue about.

Our value to our birth family, our invented family, and our BDSM Family is that We stay honest to Ourselves, and that We stay honorable and compassionate towards others. We honestly make Our own choices, and we either honor, or have compassion for the choices that other people have made. Committments to honesty and honor come out of the military heritage of the Old Guard's founders, who lived their convictions openly and proudly. Honor and compassion for another person's difference was a hallmark of the New Guard, whose members were highly concerned not only with physical safety, but also the need to have a safe and supportive mental environment.

What I'd like to see the Next Guard espouse besides the qualities of honesty, honor, and compassion, is the Valiant. Being valiant or brave in the sense that Italians use the words "Bravo" and "Brava", meaning not only that a person is fearless, but that he's resolute, and determined, even audacious, even a bit showy. When we yell "Brava" after an opera singer sings an aria, we show her that we're enthralled [from the word thrall meaning a slave or servant] - we're slaves to her talents. A valiant opera singer like Maria Callas perservered and overcame her insecurities, and even if she didn't conquer absolutely every fan or critic, in recordings, she still holds our utmost attention.

Being the Valiant one of our families, the one who's got the nerve to try new things, and who has the cojones to stand up for someone who's weaker, who is gallant in defeat, who dares to live fully and out loud - those should be Our values, that's what we should give back to Our families, and perhaps We can inspire Our siblings and friends to become more dauntless and self-reliant by Our example. And what I'd particularly hope to see, is that the gear and the symbols that Leather and BDSM people use for themselves become associated with an Ideal Person, someone who possesses a valiant, honest, honorable, and compassionate character.

BDSM 101 - Class 02: Making an Omelette - Technique

Hello class. This is Class 02 of BDSM 101. Links to previous classes for this course are listed at the end of this post.

We'll start with a quiz. Last week I instructed you to find a private place or private method to record your Desire Set, a list of all the attributes you find most desirable in an ideal sexual partner(s). We'll be referencing your Desire Set throughout this course. Now for today's quiz, I want you to start another list and title it "Virtuosity/Virtue Set". Quickly as you can, in less than 10 minutes, I want you to list as many of your own sexual and/or loving qualities. For example: "ability to syncopate the actions of my fingers with my tongue" or "patience". So the items on this list are not only technical proficiences (virtuosities) but also features of your own character that you believe make you a better partner/lover (virtues). Set a timer for 10 minutes, Time starts - now.

[10 minutes pass - Buzz. Fingers off the keyboard, pencils down]

How many virtuosities and virtues do you hold claim to? Is it 1-10? Okay. 10-25? Good. 25-50? Great. 50-100? Excellent. We'll also come back to the Virtuosity/Virtue Set throughout this course. It's going to grow as you learn. A sexually adventurous BDSM player is always learning and growing.

Today's class is subtitled "Making an Omelette - Technique". I'm using that metaphor for BDSM beginners because even if you're wholly inexperienced, there is a basic "technique" to having a good BDSM experience, and sometimes just like you want a simple meal, a simple basic BDSM scene is just what you're craving. The technique is not difficult or tricky to learn, and it'll serve you well, whether you want to delve deeper and deeper into BDSM, or if you just want to have a taste of it now and then.

10 Point Technique for beginner subs - How to Have a Good Scene:

A beginner sub needs to find someone to trust, that won't go too fast, or too hard, or too deep at the beginning. This means that beginners shouldn't seek a BDSM scene with a stranger, because without a grounding in trust, and a mutual social respect, you won't feel as comfortable giving up a portion of your power. Beginners should be especially leery of bondage scenes with people that they don't know and respect already. (I would not recommend bondage scenes for beginners until the second or third "date" with a Top.)

Before you search for a Top to serve: Clean yourself. Dress appropriately for your role. Drink less than you can handle.

1. Focus on your Desire Set, and find someone that attracts you, who is sober, and that you are already social with, meaning that you know their name, and who their friends are, you've seen them out and about. Someone who commands your respect already, and who you know enjoys BDSM. Someone whose company you already find pleasure in. Someone who is either single and available, or someone who already has a committed relationship, but who has a respectful arrangement with a partner for outside play.

2. Wait respectfully to be noticed. Do not interrupt a conversation. Be friendly, clear, and succinct. Use the appropriate honor title to begin and end each sentence. This is important, because when you do this very simple thing, it emphasizes a power differential, and the respect that you imply doing this very simple thing, will engender respect and goodwill for you from the Top:

"Sir, may i speak with You privately, Sir? " Respect the decision of the Top. If the Top says yes, then continue - "Mistress, i'm very attracted to You. i respect You. i'm only a
[choose applicable noun - beginner-, novice-, learner -, rookie- , etc-] bottom,
but would You please consider me for
[choose applicable modifier - BDSM-, Leather-, Discipline-, S&M-, Femdom-, Bondage-, Power-, Dog-, etc-]
Play, Mistress?"

4. Now you lower your eyes, and bow your head slightly. Be silent. Listen. Respect the decision of the Top. If the Top accepts you, then touch your chin to your chest, and say "Sir, thank You, Sir."

5. The Top might want to talk a bit, or begin the scene right away. There will be limits and desires to discuss, and you need to very clear and short with your answers when asked about limits especially when dealing with your health and the sex act itself. For example: "Mistress, safe sex only please, Mistress." or "Sir, penetration isn't healthy for me, only jacking off, please Sir." Also be very clear about types of play that frighten or disgust you. "Mistress, covering my head makes me panic, Mistress." or "Sir, licking boots would make me sick to my stomach, Sir." If the Top hasn't brought up the subject of limits, It is appropriate to ask the Top respectfully " Mistress, may we discuss limits please, Mistress?" If you have other limits, for example: time constraints, or a need to be back home to feed a dog, make those limits clear as well.

6. Likewise be clear and succinct with what you most want to experience: "Mistress, would you please let me feel your lash, Mistress?" or "Sir, would you please feed me your cigar smoke, Sir?" Do not give or beg a whole laundry list of kinks that you want to experience. The Top has a list already, and knows what a scene should be and how long it will last. As long as the Top respects your limits, you need to let the Top run the scene, the Top is not there to service you. you are there to service the Top.

7. It's common practice for Tops to discuss "Safe Words" or "Safe Signals" - green, yellow, red - or maybe a use of the Top's given name instead of the honorific, or a snap of the fingers or three big exhalations. If the Top hasn't brought up the subject of Safe Words or Safe Signals, then it is appropriate to ask the Top respectfully " Mistress, may we discuss Safe Words please, Mistress?"

8. The Top will run the scene, and you will serve. If you have been attentive and properly respectful, and if you have been honest and clear about your limits and desires, then you will have at the very least a good learning experience, and at the best you might have a tremendously exciting and sexually intense experience. Whether the scene was just so-so or if it rocked your world, when it concludes, you need to express your thanks and your respect. This last bit of play, being thankful, is very important and will build up your reputation as a polite and respectful player.

9. Very rarely, especially if you already know the Top socially, there might be a disrespect of your limits or a disregard of a Safe Word or Signal. This is a rudeness and a potential danger. When this happens, it's appropriate to break your role - ask "Did you disrespect my limit deliberately?" or "Didn't you hear my Safe Word? The Top should immediately apologize for the violation of limit, or the disregard of the Safe Word. It the Top fails to do that, then you should clearly and quickly say that you are going to leave - then you should dress, and go.

10. Discretion is the better part of valor. Meaning in this case, if the scene did go well and you want to explore further with the Top, be appreciative and make your desire to play again clear and up front. Don't gossip, because being discreet, respectful, and submissive with a Top will entice the Top to ask you to play again.

If the scene wasn't so hot, don't lose your nerve or your enthusiasm, you just had a spot of bad luck, just take it as a chance to learn something, and then go back again to Point #1 at another time.


2 Point Technique for Beginner Tops - How to Have a Good Scene:

Basically to be a good Top, you need to need to start by submitting to another Top. Your own spirit may never have been submissive, you might have alway been a bossy kid, perhaps you've never felt a need to just let go and let Someone else "drive." Fine. That's valid. But all the same, the fastest and most enjoyable way to learn how to Top well in BDSM is learn from an accomplished Top. You might be surprised how much you will enjoy it.

A Beginner Top needs another Top to trust, that won't go too fast, or too hard, or too deep at the beginning. This means that Beginners shouldn't seek a BDSM scene with a stranger, because without a grounding in trust, and a mutual social respect, you especially [soon to be "You"] won't feel as comfortable giving up a portion of your power. Beginner Tops should also eschew Bondage scenes unless they themselves have been bound. (I would not recommend that Beginner Tops experiment with bondage scenes until they've served as an "Apprentice Top" to a more experienced bondage Top.)

Before you search for a Top to serve: Clean yourself. Dress appropriately for your role. Drink less than you can handle.

1. Bottoming: follow Points 1-10 of the beginner sub technique. There's an exception though. Be honest, clear, and succinct about your innate Dominant orientation:

"Sir, I respect Your Expertise and Authority. Even though I feel naturally Dominant, would You please consider letting me serve you, because I want to learn, and someday, I hope to be as respected as You, Sir."

2. Topping as an Apprentice: if you've served well, and been respectful, then you will gain respect for yourself and there'll come a time when a Top will ask you if you'd like to Apprentice a scene. Generally the sub involved will bestow you with an honorific title, and call you Sir or Mistress. Hierarchically you are still an apprentice though, so you will bestow the proper honorific title to the Top that has invited you to apprentice, and He/She will run the scene. She might demonstrate a method, so pay close attention, and learn. You may think you know a better way to do something, but learn from Her way. You will have plenty of time to do it your way later. Undoubtedly you'll feel pleasure in the scene, perhaps the Top will allow you to have a sexual release. That's not a given, because you're there to learn, it'll be up to Him.

The common line throughout all these points for both the beginner subs and the Beginner Tops is respect. My Mentors were Gentlemen, and taught Me that respecting other people is the true basic tenet of Leather and BDSM. People that don't respect you are not worthy of your attention. Give respect and you'll get respect back, and people will esteem you as a lady or a gentleman. Your virtuosities and your virtues will grow, and you'll have a much better opportunity to have your Desires fulfilled.


BDSM 101 - Previous Classes:

Class 01: Making an Omelette - Breaking Some Eggs

Big Tent

There have been questions about terms like: fetish, kink, BDSM, and leather, and whether the Next Guard wants to exclude people from the discussion if they're not into Leather or BDSM. Next Guard is about BDSM which is an imprecise term that ironically has extremely precise connotations to multitudes of people. BDSM is sort of like LGBT in that it's an acronym that is trying to cover a minority category. I always thought it meant "Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism" but those 4 letters can also mean all kinds of different things, a few being - boys, bois, Daddys, Daddies, discipline, domination, slaves, submission, Master, Mistress, et cetera. So what's the commonality between all these terms? I guess it would have to be a Difference. There has to be a Power. There's Someone who has Power and there's a Different someone who doesn't have as much power or any power.

That's what the Next Guard cares about most - the Difference, the Power, the Someones, the someones. BDSM is sometimes called Powerplay - also the title of defunct gay Leather kink magazine, (for which incidentally, I once appeared on the cover) and that's a good term. People like novelty, young people like to invent their own language, and so what's BDSM to me might to others be Powerplay, X-treme Sex, Hardcore, Hardsex, Hard Scene, Femdom, Alphasex, Futuresex, Pervsex, Kinksex, Pigsex, Dogplay.....I could go on and on. We might all be speaking a different language, but there's a fundamental grammar between all of these - when I pick up My flogger, I'll bet you're going get my gist.

Kink is a huge category, and a vastly imprecise, subjective, and vague term that means everything that isn't "normal" or run of the mill. Whatever. I've never met a "normal" person in my whole life. I think "normality" is a bogus political concept that power elites use to enforce docile behavior among less powerful. [Fuck that shit.] So basically Kink to me just means whatever people do sexually, because whatever you personally do sexually, someone else, somewhere else, will think that you're being kinky.

My point being about Kink is that whether it's Leather, Rubber, feather dusters, or diapers, or Klingon masks, or bourgeois-missionary-position-in-the-dark-along-to-easy-listening-music, it's all Kink, and it's all copacetic, but unless there's the Difference, the Power, the Someones, and the someones, then it ain't BDSM to me.

"Leather" [uppercase L] to me, as a gay man, means a cultural continuity and a set of rituals that always imply Difference and Power, and almost always imply the Difference between individuals that signifies a Someone and a someone. Leather is the symbol for this Difference, and it's a cultural symbol that goes back to the time human beings first clothed themselves in animal hides. In my mind, Leather is the most succint symbolic representation of BDSM.

But leather [note the lower case L] is also a fetish for many people. What is Fetish? Fetish is the obsessive fascination or even worship of inanimate objects, materials, styles, people, sexual practices, et cetera. Fetish is a word like Kink that is such a hugely subjective and imprecise category that it's often more obfuscating than clarifying.

So all these terms: BDSM, Leather, Kink, Fetish are imprecise and subjective, and there will never be a "Council of Nicea for Sex" to set all these terms into stone to form a dogma or catechism. You'll never get a crystal clear definition of any of these terms.

So Next Guard is going to keep Leather and BDSM as a prime focus, but that doesn't mean we exclude people with a different Fetish or Kink outlook, because if you're interested in the Difference, the Power, the Someones, and the someones - then come on into the Tent for the Big Show.



Circus Tent photo from Photochiel on Flickr.

BDSM 101 - Class 01: Making an Omelette - Breaking Some Eggs

Hello class. This is BDSM 101. I'm Professor Pud. This class is for beginners, novices, and the curious, and today I'm going to go over what this class will cover and what will be expected of you. you will be able to interact with me 2 ways: by either commenting to these posts, or by private email (to pud@blackboots.org) I prefer that you use comments so that the rest of the class has the benefit of your questions and insights. If you want to email me privately, keep your questions short, I'll either answer you privately, or incorporate my answers into the next class. These following rules are for emailing me, and commenting to BDSM 101 posts.

We're going to be fairly informal here, and I won't be busting your balls or tits if you make a mistake. But we will observe some Protocol formalities. Whether or not you self-identify as submissive or dominant, you'll address Me as either Sir or Professor [Pud]. you'll capitalize My Pronouns - [You, Your]. you'll begin and end each post with Sir or Professor. If you self-identify as a sub or switch, or if you don't self-identify at all, then I will address you as a submissive, and your own pronouns will always be lower case, even when they begin a sentence (i, me, my). If you self identify as dominant, then I'll address you neutrally, as per normal English usage.

Now back to the class.

BDSM 101 is a cliché of a sort. There are books, web sites, and workshops that all utilize the term: "BDSM 101." Usually they teach terminology, basic safety negotiations, elementary etiquette, and rudimentary examinations of dress codes and behaviors. This class will touch on those subjects, but My main focus will actually be on the philosophy, sociology and semiotics of BDSM. Even though it's a cliché I'm going to keep the term "BDSM 101" for a few reasons. One, it's easy to remember and to find on the internet. Two, the BDSM community could make use of a novice course that reflects Next Guard thinking. Three, this course is a precursor to higher level courses - BDSM 201, 301, 401 that will explore more advanced explorations and disciplines.

Are you curious about a flogger? well you can buy one on eBay! Are you puzzled about the Hanky Code? or how to tie a slipknot? or how to spit polish boots? well you can Google it and find out! What does that mean? that the Specifics of BDSM, the tools, the symbols, and the techniques, they aren't the Great Mysteries, administered by the Old Guard Great Hierophants and Priestesses, that they used to be. The Specifics are readily accessible via the marketplace and the internet. Of course, it's usually more fun, informative, and enriching to play and learn with a more experienced player. Nothing takes the place of direct physical knowledge. But sometimes those players are hard to meet. So, if you have the patience to read and study and learn, and also, if you have the forebearance to stay sober and pay close attention to a partner and to yourself, then you can explore BDSM and be your own teacher and your own student. This class is a resource for you to learn from, and from which to teach yourself how to learn more.

In this class I'll teach you Specifics: techniques, for example: "How to get flogged and how to find the joy in it." I'll also teach you "How to wield a flogger the first time, and give joy instead of merely pain and distress." But I'll also place an emphasis on the Abstracts of BDSM, because the abstract ideas that underlie BDSM, those are our common ground, our common playspace, our common tools, our common history, our common context. And by situating the BDSM Specifics, among this context - the BDSM Abstracts, you'll be able to have a deeper understanding of each Specific, and more importantly you'll have a sound basis for creatively designing new BDSM Specifics of your own. That combination - of old school context, together with new school creativity, is the hallmark of the Next Guard.

This first class is about an Abstract of BDSM and is subtitled "Making an Omelette". That metaphor relates to two things: one, we're going to break a few eggs today - meaning that you're going crack your mind and emotions open, and begin to examine your inclinations or yearnings for BDSM. This doesn't mean psychoanalysis - discovering the reasons why you have these inclinations is NOT the goal. The goal is merely to honestly assess what are your desires.

In our second class, we'll talk about a Specific of BDSM, and refer to the second meaning of "Making an Omelette" we'll discuss how to make something very basic, but very tasty, and very excellent - a Good Basic BDSM Scene.

Now let's break some eggs. So what are your desires? The philosopher Gilles Deleuze believed that we never have unique desires. I don't want "food" or "drink" or "shelter" or "sex". Even infants don't want the merely singular antidotes to their needs. Instead Deleuze believed that a desire a person expresses, for example: food, is actually a System or Set of Desires: hot, salty, juicy, rich, crunchy, aromatic, and so on. And so for sex it's also the same. When we fantasize a lover, or Master or Mistress, or a slave, it's not merely that generic definition we yearn for, instead our image of what we desire flowers into a Desire Set: tall or short, hairy or smooth, sweet or stinky, powerful or passive, visible or hidden, cruel or kind, loving or dismissive, and so on.

So your first exercise in this class is to go deep and ask yourself what system or set of desires is most powerful for you? This is not about asking yourself "why?" The "why" is about psychoanalysis, and is not important in this exercise. This exercise is written and private. There may be parts of this exercise that you would like to share. But for this exercise to be truly useful to you, you're going to have to go very deeply into extremely private areas of your mind, and there should be elements that remain private.

The first requirement of this exercise is to find a way to write, or a place to write that is truly private. Perhaps you have a computer log in name, to which only you know the password. Perhaps you can encrypt your text with a password. Perhaps you have a place to keep writings that only you have access to: a locked cabinet for example.

Once you're sure of your complete privacy, then you can begin. On one page, or one computer file, you're going to fully describe one Desire Set. A Desire Set includes everything you desire in a lover, Master or Mistress, or slave. And I mean everything. Write down what your ideal partner would be: appearance, attitude, sound of voice, smell, profession or job, origin, intelligence, sense of independence or dependence, habits, talents, sensitivities, proclivities, fetishes, attributes, everything you can possibly think about. If you can't choose between one desire or another, then list them all, if you have desire for more than one person, for example: a lover and a Mistress, or a spouse and a slave , then either start a new computer file or get out another sheet of paper for each individual you desire. Perhaps you have several types that interest you - a robust muscled type - a slight willowy type - a young inexperienced type - a mature expert type.

This should take at least an hour. you should cover at least a page for each individual desire set. If you have a large desire imagination, then this exercise might run long, you might have several Desire Sets to write about. That's a wonderful thing. Keep your Desire Sets private and safely protected. We'll be referencing and using your Desire Set throught this course. you'll find as you learn more about BDSM that your Desire Set will change, some areas will grow, and some areas you'll edit or excise.

you have one week to complete this assignment. Next class will begin with a quiz.