We Are Family - sort of...

I know that so many of My fellow gay men think that Leather is just a provocative and decorative and non-essential feature for a small segment of gay identity, the same way that they're dismissive of our other "fringes" like elder gays, or faery gays, or opera queens, or drag queens. The logo above is from a group at the University of California at San Diego, and the letters stand for "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Queer, Intersex, and Allies." (Originally I wondered if the "A" stood for "Asexuals".)

Often I see this sort of dismissive attitude towards fringe communities represented in the so-called "mainstream" gay media, which hypocritically uses titillating images of Leather People to attract viewers and readers, while not serving the BDSM community with a proportionate amount of content. There's also a fair amount of misogyny and even outright derision of lesbians, bisexual, and transgender people among gay men. So even in the parallel "Family" that I've joined with My own gay friends, there is a societal norm that doesn't necessarily value BDSM players, their variety, and their particular culture. Even around a gay Thanksgiving dinner table, there is conservatism and liberalism, white and black sheep - there's still plenty to hot-headedly argue about.

Our value to our birth family, our invented family, and our BDSM Family is that We stay honest to Ourselves, and that We stay honorable and compassionate towards others. We honestly make Our own choices, and we either honor, or have compassion for the choices that other people have made. Committments to honesty and honor come out of the military heritage of the Old Guard's founders, who lived their convictions openly and proudly. Honor and compassion for another person's difference was a hallmark of the New Guard, whose members were highly concerned not only with physical safety, but also the need to have a safe and supportive mental environment.

What I'd like to see the Next Guard espouse besides the qualities of honesty, honor, and compassion, is the Valiant. Being valiant or brave in the sense that Italians use the words "Bravo" and "Brava", meaning not only that a person is fearless, but that he's resolute, and determined, even audacious, even a bit showy. When we yell "Brava" after an opera singer sings an aria, we show her that we're enthralled [from the word thrall meaning a slave or servant] - we're slaves to her talents. A valiant opera singer like Maria Callas perservered and overcame her insecurities, and even if she didn't conquer absolutely every fan or critic, in recordings, she still holds our utmost attention.

Being the Valiant one of our families, the one who's got the nerve to try new things, and who has the cojones to stand up for someone who's weaker, who is gallant in defeat, who dares to live fully and out loud - those should be Our values, that's what we should give back to Our families, and perhaps We can inspire Our siblings and friends to become more dauntless and self-reliant by Our example. And what I'd particularly hope to see, is that the gear and the symbols that Leather and BDSM people use for themselves become associated with an Ideal Person, someone who possesses a valiant, honest, honorable, and compassionate character.