Easier Said Than Done

Anonymous posed an excellent question to Me:

"Do you feel that by not "coming out" as a Leatherman/woman is a sign of weakness?"

Obviously a person's standing is weaker if they have to hide or suppress parts of their life. Early Christians were weaker in the reign of Nero, and had to worship in catacombs. Africans forced into slavery were weaker when they had to disguise their own religions and culture as merely quaint customs. Native Americans, when forced onto reservations in the 19th century, were weaker when they had to use their arts to hold on to their language and religion. In the other day's New York Times, there was an article about contemporary Wiccans that have to keep their beliefs secret in a Bible-thumper neighborhood.

There's a long history of hidden communities in the world. Being open would have meant ostracism and death for them. But they devised ways to communicate and connect with each other. They were patient and valiant in their resistance to assimilation.

If you would jeopardize your job, or career, or your livelihood, or a child's security by being Out in Leather, then I sympathize with you, because many years ago, I got canned from a job for being gay and out, and it really sucked. It was hard. But I learned who My friends were, and I learned who among My family stood by me. Being Out got easier and easier. I also changed careers, and I was fortunate in My choice, that I can dress and act the way I choose.

I certainly understand a need to be circumspect and private about BDSM in public. At the grocery store, I like seeing people in boots and flagging a hanky, but I don't want to see someone in assless chaps at the checkout. But leather itself isn't as transgressive as it once was. I live down the street from a Harley Davidson dealership, and every weekend I see every shape, and size, and gender, and age of biker roaring up and down my street wearing leather. I remember seeing Pat Boone on an awards show wearing leather pants and a vest and a collar even and that was 10 years ago!

As far as BDSM, I've known people who enjoy the "kinkiness" of secrets, and we all have darkness in our characters, and things we feel we should conceal. I do think people play safer and healthier when they're open, and I've seen how living openly as a Leather/BDSM person enriches more facets of life than just sexuality.

What can you afford to lose if you embrace and display elements of your deeper nature? Can you afford to lose people that don't respect you? Can you afford to lose family members that would abandon you? Can you afford to lose a career that destroys your spirit? Can you afford to live a less materialistic life to focus more on the intangible?

In "No Peaceful Warriors!", Ambrose Hollingworth Redmoon wrote:

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than one's fear. The timid presume it is lack of fear that allows the brave to act when the timid do not. But to take action when one is not afraid is easy. To refrain when afraid is also easy. To take action regardless of fear is brave."